


Stupid Alien Sickness

by dapperghost



Category: Homestuck
Genre: I got inspired, It could be friendship, Just a silly little thing, Kind of Davekat?, Sick Karkat, Sickfic, Sickstuck, dumb stuff, i dunno, maybe more chapters later, or at least one more, or they could be a couple take your pick, troll flu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-05
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-14 14:46:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1270417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dapperghost/pseuds/dapperghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat is sick and Dave is a bro and comes to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I got a random ass idea and so I shall now write it in an attempt to fight writer’s block. Yes I have many stories i need to work on but hey here have this. It’s kinda long but hey story enjoy this lame ass stuff.

Karkat growled as a bright light shone into his room on the meteor. Someone had opened the door to his darkness and he was not at all happy. He had a headache the size of Mount Fucking Everest, not to mention that he was coughing up fucking rainbows over here. Yes rainbows.

Goddamn he hated this. Troll flus were the worst. Hah Karkat scoffed at the pitiful human versions. That would be a walk in the park compared to this. He was freezing and hot at the same damn time, and everytime he sneezed or coughed more rainbow goop came out.

Yeah yeah you might think “oh rainbows yay so pretty”. Gamzee thought that too, but then again Gamzee is a fucking idiotic clown who worships faygo and miracles. He would be one to enjoy this torture.

But this was not even close to pretty. Karkat’s hair was a mess and he had to force himself to stay awake to avoid the fucking insane dreams that came with this shit. Even awake there would sometimes be little dancing hoofbeasts in his vision. He hurt everywhere and just wanted it to end. He probably looked as shitty as he felt, if not worse.

So when the darkness of his self-pitying, sickness cave was intruded upon, it was obvious why he would be displeased. And the voice that came to his ears just made that ten thousand times worse.

"Dude you look horrible. And if i can tell that through this dark ass room and shades, then it is definitely bad," the Strider said, leaning against the doorframe.

"Shut the fuck up Strider," Karkat snarled. It lost its force with how bad his voice was though.

"And leave my bro here to suffer on his own? Nah I don’t think so."

Karkat was surprised at that. He didn’t think the nonchalant coolkid would care enough to want to keep his miserable self company. He blinked. He was still skeptical. It could be another one of the Strider human’s “sarcasm” statements.

"But I’m sick. If you couldn’t fucking tell. You could get sick too," Karkat said apprehensively.

"Dude that’s exactly why nurse Dave has shown up. Plus do you really think some dumb alien sickness would get to me? I mean we’re like completely different species. I doubt it will faze me at all."

Karkat sighed. As much as he wanted the douchecanoe to go away, he knew it wouldn’t happen. He might as well accept help if it was being offered. “Ugh fine. But if you do get sick don’t come bitching to me.”

"Yes sir." Dave mock saluted the other before walking farther into the room. "Goddamn dude this place is a mess. Albeit a colorful mess, but still a fuckin pigsty. What did you do? Just alchemize a billion tissues and color them in rainbow paint and slime before dumping them on the floor?"

The floor was indeed covered in several tissues, all covered in the rainbow goop that came from troll flu. So in essence, Karkat had done exactly that. Except for the paint part. “Shut the fuck up Strider. Are you gonna help me or not?”

"Alright alright. Just saying. I’ll be back in a bit."  
Dave then left the room to get supplies. About forty five minutes later he came back with a giant garbage bag, some juice, and a thermos, as well as a few more blankets. He handed the thermos and the juice to Karkat.

Karkat scowled at the thermos, before opening it and looking at the contents. “What the fuck is this?”

"Strider Specialty Soup. It’s a recipe Bro used to make for me when I was feeling like shit. I dunno how well it will work for you, but hey you can’t say i didn’t try. Took me a bit to alchemize all the ingredients and shit. That’s what took me so long."

Karkat wasn’t sure what to say. “Uhm…Thanks.” He looked at the soup for a sec, before downing some of it. It wasn’t half bad. Actually really fucking good if he were being honest with himself. Maybe Strider wasn’t such a shitty cook.

Speaking of the Strider, he had already set about picking up the rainbow covered tissues and shoving them into a garbage bag. He occasionally made a face at it, but overall just got the job done.

Karkat was amazed at how much the Strider was actually doing for him. He didn’t think Dave cared about anything really, let alone him. It actually made him feel kind of happy.

After Dave finished, he sat down next to the other on the human bed the trolls had taken to using. Karkat had finished both the juice and the soup, and had just been watching the Strider.

"Um, thanks for doing all this stuff for me," Karkat said awkwardly.

"Dude it’s no problem. That’s what bros are for."

"Yeah I guess so."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave isn't as invincible as he thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to finally write a second chapter for this. It'll probably be a hella lot longer than the first one. So enjoy.

It had been about a week and a half since the Strider had first found the sickly troll, drowning in his own rainbow snot. He had stayed by the others side, doing shit for him and taking care of the poor troll. He wasn't exactly sure why. He could have gotten Kanaya or Rose to take over, but for some reason he didn't want to. There was just something about Karkat that made him stick around. Wow this all sounded really gay. Hell no. He was not gay for his best bro on the meteor. Nope.

But anyways, his tireless efforts had paid off, and Karkat was all better once more. Back to his usual shouty self and everything. Dave was hella proud of his work. Or he would be. Sadly all that helping had tuckered the poor cool kid out, and he had crashed the instant he knew the other was healthy again and he had made it back to his room. He had slept for a hella long time, seeing as how he hadn't gotten much while dealing with the others sniffling and bitching all the time. Like goddamn could that control be a whiney little shit when sick. And Dave had thought he was bad before. 

When Dave woke up, the situation was not good. He felt completely and utterly horrible. He had never felt this shitty in his entire existence. It was shit beyond the normal boundaries of shit, extending into the reaches of total shittitude in space. He groaned miserably, shoving his face into his pillow. Fuck. He had caught Karkat's stupid rainbow flu shit, hadn't he? He was supposed to be invincible. He couldn't be sick. Hell to the goddamn no. He would not tolerate this. 

Sadly, he had to tolerate it. There was no avoiding it. He was gonna have to suffer this out. That is if he didn't die. He hoped that wouldn't be the case. But trolls were apparently a lot stronger than humans, even Karkat. And if it had affected Karkat that bad, who knows what it would do to Dave? He sure as hell felt like he was dying. He coughed harshly, moving away from the pillow to gain enough oxygen so he wouldn't die from choking. 

He curled up in misery, whining some. He was freezing and tired and stuffed up and hurt every-fucking-where. His godtier pajamas were supposed to be keeping his temperature regulated against the meteor temperatures, but apparently today it was doing a shitty job. He sniffled, not wanting to move at all. Unfortunately, Karkat would probably be wondering where he was at the moment. Then the troll would go looking for him, and would be a total absolute mess.

He was also really thirsty too. Like dying of thirst thirsty. He really didn't want to get up, but he knew he had to. So he forced himself up, and immediately regretted it. The room had done a three sixty spin on him and then some. And proceeding that, his face had decided to have a makeout session with the floor. Fuuuuck. He hated this so much right now. Well he hated it period.

He decided he didn't want to move from the floor at all, too tired to make himself stand up again. Sadly that meant he was also blanketless. That wasn't good. He curled up tiredly on the floor, shaking like a goddamn leaf. He whined again, feeling epically horrible. And then of course he had to start choking on air once again. This time he coughed up a shit ton of mucus. At least it wasn't rainbow colored. That was a good sign. At least he hoped so.

He sniffled miserably again, just planning to stay here on the floor next to his bed for eternity. Or when he finally croaked from whatever this was. He legit felt like he was going to die. It didn't help that his thoughts were completely unfocused. And even the focused ones weren't cool.

And of course, there was a knock on the door. Just fucking great. He really didn"t want anyone finding him like this. His reputation would be ruined. Unless it was the shouty plague bringer himself. That would probably suck worse, though. 

"Strider? Are you in there? It's way fucking past the time you're usually around. What the hell is up?" And speak of the devil.

Dave grumbled, not wanting to answer. He wasn't even sure if he could talk. But he had to, or Karkat would burst into the room like a goddamn fireman. "I'm just working on some sick beats is all man," he spoke.Wow okay. Talking was really painful. And plus his voice sounded horrible. It sounded like he was gargling fucking nails or something, and felt about the same. He just hoped Karkat wouldn't notice.

Unfortunately for Dave, Karkat did in fact notice. The troll outside the door frowned. "Strider, are you sure you're alright? You sound fucking horrible."

"Yeah yeah I'm fucking fine man. Don't worry about me." Unfortunately, right after the Strider said this, he was sent into another coughing fit.

Karkat jumped back from the door in surprise, before growling. "You are not fucking fine Strider. Don't lie to me you ignorant asshole. You sound absolutely, positively horrible. And if you sound like that, you probably look ten times worse. Those coughs sound fucking terrible. So that is it. I am coming in."

And with that said, Karkat barged into the room. What he found was not a pretty sight. Dave was lying on the floor next to his bed, curled up into a ball and shaking worse than a house in an earthquake. Not to mention how sick the guy looked otherwise. His face was completely pale, his cheeks flushed with an obvious fever. Karkat didn't even need to go over and put a hand on the other's forehead to guess his temperature was probably over 100. He frowned in disapproval.

"Goddammit Dave..." the troll sighed. "I thought you were supposed to be 'invincible'. This really, really doesn't look like invincible to me. It looks more to me like you're fucking dying. And then you go and be a stubborn ass and fucking lie to me, even though you look horrible? Like fuck. You're worse than the stubbornest of grubs. What am I ever going to do with you?" 

"Leave me the fuck alone is what. I'll be fine," the sickly Strider muttered.

"Sorry, Dave, but that is not an option. I would rather not have you die on me for catching a disease I went and fucking gave to you. No thanks. You're a weak ass human and if troll flu can affect me that bad, it's probably doing a goddamn rampage on your system."

The troll then walked over to the other, feeling the others forehead. Fuck. He was really burning up bad. It was a good thing they had the same blood color, so Karkat knew the right temperature Dave should be. Dave whined in protest, but did nothing to stop it, most likely because the cool hand felt good against his burning head.

The troll also knew the floor was definitely not the best place for the Strider. Sure maybe Dave thought so, but it was most likely because he was too tired to care. Karkat wasn't sure how to remedy the situation, other than picking up the human and placing him on the bed. But that would leave Dave with a hella bruised ego. But fuck it. Karkat didn't even care. He scooped up the other, much to Dave's disgruntlement, and plopped him on the bed. He then covered the other back up with the blanket, glancing around for more. 

"Karkat. Dude. What are you doing? I'm serious. I'll be fine man," Dave spoke hoarsely again. He was then sent into a sneezing fit, practically invalidating his point entirely.

"Goddammit Dave. Stop lying and accept my help. You helped me. The least I can do is return the favor. Just let me take care of you for once in your entire stubborn, idiotic existence. Stop being so fucking chargebeast headed and actually admit you aren't so invincible for once in your miserable existence. Now where the fuck do you keep the other blankets?"

"I don't have any others." He coughed harshly again, making Karkat frown. That really sounded bad. He almost believed the other might actually die.

"Well fuck. Alright. I'll be right back. And don't try getting up again, you idiot. I'd rather not come back to find you passed out on the floor." 

"Okay. Fine." 

"Alright I'm leaving." 

Karkat left to go retrieve needed supplies, leaving the sickly Strider to lay there in his own misery. He sniffled miserably once more, basically feeling utterly horrible. The troll finally returned after grabbing several things. He had many spare blankets, some water, and a thermometer, as well as some cough medicine Rose had whipped up. He had to do a lot of searching to find all these. He also hoped the cough medicine worked. 

Dave would have looked at all the supplies she had brought if he didn't feel like he was dying. Sadly, however he was. Karkat's voice scared him for a second, causing him to jump some and sneeze again. "I got some more blankets, some cough syrup, some water, and a thermometer. Now I am going to fucking take care of you and you better fucking appreciate it. No protests or I will leave you to die."

"Fuck. Fine. You can play doctor just this once." He sniffled again, finally looking at the other. He was too tired to argue with the other at the moment.

"Okay good. Now open up and let me take your temperature."

Dave obliged, opening his mouth as Karkat stuck the thermometer in, making Dave close his mouth around it and stay quiet. When the thermometer beeped, Karkat took it again and looked at the results. Worse than he even though before. 102.3. Fucking shit Dave. 

Karkat frowned immensely, which Dave caught rather quickly. "What is it dude?" He croaked hoarsely.

"Not good. At fucking all. Nice going Strider. Your idiotic 'must serve' attitude has gotten you a free ticket to horribly sick city. Hooray for you. And as an addition I get to throw in myself to take care of your stupid ass." 

"Karkat no..."

"Karkat yes. Now shut up and let me take care of you."

"Fine..." The Strider sighed, giving permission for him to do that. 

Karkat couldn't help but smirk triumphantly. He grabbed the cough syrup, pouring some into a little cup, before handing it to Dave. "Drink up, Strider." 

Dave took the cup, forcing himself to sit up some, even though it made him hella dizzy. He glared at the syrup from behind his shades, before deciding to do as the other said. It couldn't hurt anymore than how shitty he felt. He downed the syrup, handing the cup to Karkat again. The troll then handed the other some water, which Dave drank almost all of.He then handed back the glass as well, flopping back down and curling back up under the sheets. He was really sick holy shit.

Karkat felt somewhat bad for getting the other sick, but to be honest, Dave had it coming. The Strider should have know with how germs work, he would get sick. But Dave haaad to take care of Karkat. That was somewhat confusing, but the troll shoved it back to his head for now. He would ask Dave about it later, but not right now.

He wished he knew how to bring the other's fever down. Sadly they didn't have all that much available. He just hoped it would go away on its own, with help from Rose's mix. If it didn't he would go hunt for something. He frowned as he looked at the miserable Strider again. Dave looked like he was feeling terrible. If he looked as bad as he did, he was most likely feeking ten times worse. He was still shivering slightly, and so Karkat placed a few blankets on him.

Unfortunately, Dave was still sniffling and sneezing and coughing away, with a few whines mixed in here or there. Karkat reached over and started to pet the others matted hair. It seemed to comfort the Strider some, calming him down a bit. That was good. 

Dave was soon lulled into dreamland, where he soon became trapped in fever dreams. The expression on the Strider's sleeping face worried Karkat, so he went to go get something to bring the other's fever down. He didn't want Dave's brain boiling in heat when the Strider had such a horrible fever. No thanks. He took a washcloth and some water, taking both back to the room. He took both to the other, first wiping him off with the damp washclothe, cleaning up the sweat and stuff from the sick boy's face. It helped a bit.

Dave blinked awake after a while, looking at the other. He seemed hella disoriented. He sniffled. "Karkat...? What...?" After a moment he remembered, and frowned. "Oh..."

"Yes Strider. Oh. That is exactly the response I enjoy when I'm taking care of your sick ass. Like god. You are such an idiot. Next time you should maybe fucking listen to me when I tell you you're gonna get sick," the troll said, although his words didn't have much force behind them. 

"Sorry Karkat. Can't help it if my best bro is in need of some help," He coughed harshly, groaning some. God he still felt horrible. 

"Well now you're the one in need of some help. And I am here to take care of your sick ass. And seeing how you're sick because of me, I doubt I'll catch it. Also Jesus. You still look completely horrible. You're white as a ghost Strider, and more than usual even."

"Yeah and I feel fucking fantastic. Thanks for the kind words Vantas. I really appreciate them." 

"I'm just saying. God don't get so butthurt Strider."

"I'm surprised you even know what that phrase means. "

"I hang around you humans enough to get a sense of it. Now do you need anything? Or are you gonna be alright for now?"

The Strider sneezed, sniffling as he wiped his nose on his sleeve. He looked at it and frowned. He really should have thought before he did that. 

"Tissues probably a good idea, right? Brcause fuck Strider that's just gross."

"Sorry. Can't help it if I feel too shitty to actually get up and look for some. I'll just do laundry later." 

"Ugh fine." Karkat got up from his spot kn the edge of the others bed, going on a hunt for some tissues. When he returned, Dave was shivering again. Well fuck. That means his fever hadn't gone down as much as he hoped. He sighed, going over to the other. He sat next to the Strider, petting his hair. 

"H-hey Karkat. Welcome back. Was gettin kinda lonely without you man. Like it was just me an Charlie an shit all up in here."

"Strider. What the fuck are you talking about? Who the hell is Charlie?"

"The guy over there." 

"Goddammit Strider. You're hallucinating. Probably fucking delirious from the fever. Just great. Fucking fantastic."

"No no 'm fine. Shh. Sh Karkat. I'm fine." He reached up and pet the others face. Holy fuck even his hand was burning to touch.

Karkat removed the hand, frowning. He would let that slide for now. "You are not fine. Now open your damn mouth and let me take your temperature again."

The troll shoved the thermometer in the other's mouth, not waiting for any protest. He then waited for it to beep, an expression of worry etched in his face. Yeah sure the Strider could be a pain in the ass sometimes, but overall the human was pretty great. When the thermometer beeped finally, he took it out of the others mouth, looking at the results. Shit. 103.4. Not good. Not good at all. He frowned at the other. Goddammit Strider.

Dave looked at the other, somewhat confused. "What is it?" He coughed again, and wow it sounded bad.

"Your fever is extremely high Strider. It's very fucking concerning. I'm afraid you might boil in your own thinkpan juices."

Dave started laughing at that. Karkat frowned even more. What the hell was so funny? He was really worried about the other, even moreso now. It didn't help that the laugh was a combination of laughing, choking, and wheezing. Like shit. 

"What the hell is so funny, Strider? I don't find this situation at all goddamn humorous."

After the laughter died down, the Strider spoke again. "Just the way you said it is all...It was funny."

"No it wasn't. Oh god Strider. We really need to fix this."

"Fix what?"

"Your fucking fever!"

"Oh. Right."

"Yes. Right. Now stay here and don't move til I get back."

"Yes sir."

Karkat hopped up and dashed out of the room. God he was freaking out. He would really enjoy it if Dave didn't die on him. Yeah sure the other was godtier, but that didn't mean anything. He rushed though the halls, almost crashing into Kanaya. 

She blinked at the other . "Karkat? Oh dear. What could possibly be wrong? You are rushing though the halls as though your life depended on it. Is something the matter?"

Karkat almost decided not to tell her, before realizing her help may be useful. "It's Dave. He's really sick and it's all my fault and now he has a really bad fever and I'm worried he might boil in his own heated thinkpan juices. He's talking about some guy named Charlie."

"Oh dear. That is bad. I should get Rose. She may know what to do. They are after all the same species." She then turned on her heel, walking off to find the other human. That left Karkat standing there, unsure what to do.

When Kanaya returned with the other, Rose waa carrying something. Well a few things. Karkat wasn't exactly sure what they were. 

"What is all that?" he asked.

"It is ingredients to make a bomb, obviously," Rose replied in her usually snarky tone.

Karkat growled. "Cut the crap Lalonde. You know what I meant."

"Yes I did. It is aspirin and a few cold compresses. Give him some of the aspirin, using the instructions on the bottle, and the cold compresses should be pretty obvious in their use. And Karkat?"

"What now Rose?"

"Thank you for taking care of him."

"No problem. It was only fair, seeing as how I got him fucking sick in the first place." He frowned at that.

"Well still. I am grateful." She handed the supplies to the other before walking off with Kanaya. 

Karkat then returned to the Strider's room, going inside. "Alright Dave. I got some things to fix this." 

Dave was still in the position he left him, and Karkat wasn't sure wether that was good or bad. He guessed it was a bad sign. He grabbed the other water off the bedside table, handing that to Dave along with the recommended dosage.

"Take this. Now," the troll commanded, not letting any arguements take place. 

Dave immediately obeyed, an even worse sign. Usually he would have gotten at least some snarky comment in response. Karkat frowned for probably like the tenth time that day. 

"Thanks. For taking care of me an shit. And s-sorry for getting sick," Dave said, laying back down after handing the other the glass.

"Don't be fucking sorry. It was my fault anyways. Just get better is all you need to do." He sighed. God he felt really bad about all this.

Dave nodded, and Karkat went back to stroking the other's hair. It seemed to have a calming effect, so why not. The troll then took the cold compresses and placed them on the other. He hoped it would work. He wanted his normal snarky Strider back. 

Soon Dave had fallen back asleep. Well, that was good. Karkat continued to sit there, petting the others hair. He was going to stick with the other till he got better. He would not let the Knight out of his sight for any longer than neccessary. Hell no. He wanted Dave better and he wanted to be the one to help the Strider get there. 

Karkat sighed. He just wished he could speed up the proccess. But at least he got to spend time with the other. Plus when sick Dave tended to show a lot more emotion. He wasn't as much the stoic prick as usual. He was a lot more vulnerable. Karkat smiled softly as he thought about this. Maybe he wouldn't mind playing caretaker for a bit.


End file.
